Work makes me crazy. It malkes me crazy because I am good at it and I really enjoy the people I work with and I know what I am supposed to do...but sometimes I am so freaked out I cry at my desk.
So professional right?
What I really want to do is hard to explain.
I want to work - to make my own money and to have a life that it not just being a mom and a delivery service for my kids.
I want to hang out with the people that are not like me so I remember that I am here on this planet with interesting people and not just a bunch of middle class mummy's like myself. These are the people I would end up spending all my time with if I drove the kids to school and then went to yoga or lunch or the PTA meeting. I am sort of jealous of these people. I like the IDEA of dropping kids off and then going to yoga/having mummy lunches/cups of tea with friends/lazy gardening, but I know that I could only do this for so long before I got bored and started looking for an office job.
I assume I am not the only person like this...that needs to fill their time with work that makes you think and work that makes you stressed out and worried and anxious just so you know when you get home to your little ones, no matter how crazy they are being, it is ok...because chocolate ice cream and Scooby Doo on the sofa with mom will solve their problems. Their skinned knees and the friend that was mean at school.
A little love goes a long way when kids are concerned. Not like that at the office really.
I am not one of those people that knew what I wanted to be when I was 10 and I made that dream come true. Wish I was, and my dad and my husband are both like that - just cannot get enough of their job. JEALOUSY. I am also not naturally good at anything. Well, not entirely true. Husband says I am really good at making people think it was their idea. Not sure that is a skill in which I could start a business. It isn't like 'baking cupcakes' or 'dog grooming' which both lend themselves to cottage industry type businesses. Wouldn't it be great to be able to start a little business and make it work and love it and WANT to do it everyday and make a bit of money in the meantime. What are the odds? Slim I imagine.
Oh well, I'll just keep doing what I am doing...and getting upset and stresed out and getting promoted and loving who I work with and making enough but not enough. Phew...did I mention the stupid meetings? There should be a game that rational people could play in stupid meetings. Maybe that can be my new project.
So the funny life part of all the rambling is that my coworker just told me that he WON a dance-off in a gay bar in Cape Town. This is possibly my favourite story ever. Surely this is why I work - so I get to hear stories like this. Also it is Friday - which means that ALL the crazy children come to the clinic and scream alot up and down the hallways and lock their clinicians out of the therapy rooms and throw things out the windows...which puzzles our mean-old-man security guard to no end. Another enjoyable moment in my day.
Hmmm. Not naturally good at anything? Weird that you say that since you are so good at so many things. But maybe you don't recognize that they (and YOU) have value. Remember that your Dad could have just decided garden as a hobby and stare dreamily out the window at pretty flowers. He took his passion and made it real!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.oprah.com/omagazine/How-to-Find-Your-Passion-Martha-Beck